by Natalie Orzame
I’ve been homeschooling for six, going on seven years, and I have a confession to make. I felt ignorantly confident coming into this, even when most of my friends who wanted to homeschool did not have the confidence to try it. My sister homeschools her kids, so I had a starting point with our curriculum (which I have completely changed since then). My friend worked for CHEA, so she helped me file my PSA (CHEA’s Step-by-Step instructions make it surprisingly easy). However, each year, I look at the previous years and realize that I know less and less. Aristotle wrote, “The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.” That definitely rings true for me.
By our fourth year of homeschooling, my children and I were not finding joy in learning anymore. My oldest and I were butting heads over math–and that’s putting it politely. We were experiencing major February doldrums. Summer break was not long enough. I was getting so burned out that when September rolled around, I was dreading starting the new school year. I felt discouraged and completely overwhelmed. I realized for the first time that I had no idea what I was doing. What do I do now?
So, I was expressing this to my fellow co-op mom friends, expecting to have made a vulnerable confession, and they all resoundingly echoed, “I have no idea what I’m doing either!” After a good laugh, I realized that even the moms who had been homeschooled themselves told me that they identify with that feeling. They still have to figure it out for themselves, identify their children’s needs and personalities, and adjust everything to their own life circumstances.
This sobering realization, however, helped me to revamp my school year. Instead of letting my school year use me as a doormat, I made the effort to get on top of it. A friend of mine put it so well the other day: “If I were in charge of my life, I would tell myself to [insert self-managing task here]. And I AM in charge of my life, so I’m going to give myself a deadline [for said task].” Maybe you’re a natural type A and you have everything scheduled and planned out and you always obey your plans for yourself and check everything off of your list (or even have a list!). But maybe you’re like me, and you need to remind yourself that you are your best manager, and that you can get on top of your life and your school year, preventing overwhelm and burnout.
Plan … in pencil
Get out a calendar, or print a blank one. Some prefer using a computer or phone, but I find that it helps to see it all laid out visually on paper. Then, take a macro, big-picture look at the year as a whole and mark holidays, birthdays, sports seasons, vacation …. Think about WHY you’re homeschooling, not your curriculum just yet, so you can start prioritizing the important things first.
Next, take a micro-level look at the things scheduled such as co-op days, park days, possible field trips, sports practices and games, recitals, church functions, etc. Don’t forget to plan breaks and rest. Do you want to take birthdays off? Do it! Do you want more family time and less stress during the holidays? Schedule an extra week (or two) off for special family bonding and down time. Kids have a performing arts performance in March? Plan to take ‘show week’ off (that’s a reminder for myself).
Pencil in as thorough or loose of a schedule as you like–you can even start school in July, schedule a year-round school year, or take every seventh week off. This is where you can switch to tech if you prefer. Then if you want to be spontaneous, take a sick day, take an extra field trip day, make more space around the holidays, you’re in control of the eraser (or the delete button).
I should make a note here that I think planning and scheduling is helpful, but I never want to be a slave to that structure. My husband and I are church planters and we always say, “Church without structure is chaos, but church WITH structure brings freedom.” This is true of life and homeschooling as well. Let me explain: we need basic rituals, routines, and consistency on a week-to-week basis so that if we feel the Spirit move, we are free to stray from that structure without feeling like we’re thrown into chaos–because we always have our foundation to return to when things die down. For homeschooling, I think of it as a skeleton. I make sure I at least have the bones put together in the right place, the heart at the center, and anything on top of that I can get creative with. If there is no skeleton in place, everything is bound to be a flop (otherwise named Burnout and Overwhelm) and it takes a lot of effort to build the structure if it was never there to begin with!
Side note: For a more detailed look at your daily learning routine, consider trying a block schedule or a loop schedule or some combination that fits your lifestyle. Also, if you’re a CHEA member, you can download our free Homeschool Planner.
Allow yourself to re-evaluate
Give yourself and your kids an opportunity to settle in for a month or six weeks to observe how everything is going. If there’s an extra subject that’s just not fitting like you hoped it would, I give you permission to drop it and give it a try next year. Extracurriculars making for an extra busy day? Shift your load however you see fit. You can do this quarterly, as well … or whenever you feel like it.
You don’t have to do every page of your curriculum
I hope I’m not the first person to tell you this. But I sometimes need this reminder for myself. Not that we need to compare ourselves to brick and mortar schools, but … even THEY don’t complete their full curriculum. As a rule-follower, this is hard for me to accomplish without guilt. So what I did this past year was this: I planned which weeks in the curriculum to skip in advance. (If you do unit studies, it’s very easy to skip or rearrange between units.) I know our yearly routine and how many weeks we usually accomplish, so I planned everything to fit into my family’s parameters. If there’s a little extra math left at the end, I know my oldest won’t mind doing one subject for a few extra weeks. The best part is that there’s no guilt when I’m following my own directions! YOU are in charge of your curriculum. Your curriculum is not in charge of you.
Be realistic and full of grace
If your kid struggles with math, don’t use the most rigorous curriculum or require her to ‘keep up’. If you’re moving, or there’s a newborn or toddler in the house, or potty training happening, take that extra load into consideration. Many times, these family dynamics or developmental shifts affect older children more than we think they do, and they need the space in the schedule just as much as you do.
Have grace for yourself and your needs as well. Prepare some self-guided activities for your kids to do for when you’re sick or have a headache (especially if it’s something you expect around the same time every month): a couple of math games, reading assignments, board games, sensory bins, or even extra screen time for educational apps. You don’t want to force yourself to push through in fatigue or strife, but you don’t want the kids to completely run amok either, because that’s more work for you to catch up on once you’re well.
Cultivate gratefulness
You may not find this tip anywhere in the informational articles about methods and learning styles, but it’s arguably the most important step. You can do everything ‘right’ and still be overwhelmed and unsatisfied with your homeschool experience, and your kids will pick up on it, too. Thank the Lord that we have the opportunity and ability to school our children at home! It is illegal in some countries, and much more regulated in some states. If you are a working homeschool parent, be thankful that you have the income, ask for joy and energy to sustain you, and creative solutions to make it all work. Let’s be grateful we get to train our children in life and learning. Homeschooling is not the easy road, so celebrate every tiny victory together. The more grateful you become, the more you will enjoy–and CHEA is here to help, too!
What is your best piece of advice for preventing homeschool burnout?